The Little Mermaid—Modernized

I never asked to be Grayson’s fiancé. I never even asked to be married! He drove up in his limousine one summer, accompanied by a chauffeur and five bodyguards. Of course Dad never asked if I wanted to marry him—after all, it’s only a lifetime commitment. Why should I get any say? He waltzed into my Italian villa and whisked me away, claiming that he was so glad to meet me again, and do I remember when I saved his life? His party yacht crashed in a brutal ocean storm. 

Of course I remember—I was in a boarding school then, and that was the only exciting thing that had ever happened to me. Besides, it was the only day I’ve ever laid eyes on a mermaid—a mermaid whom I’m certain really saved the prince’s life. 

But of course that doesn’t matter to Grayson. All he cares about is getting married to a beautiful heiress, and there I was: beautiful, rich, and single.

Anyways, I eventually got over it. I mean, it’s only marriage. I don’t have to talk to him! But when I started to roam his oceanside villa, something caught my eye. Something… fishy. It was the mermaid I’d seen all those years ago—the one with the purple hair and the round, ocean blue eyes.

I went over to talk to her when I realized she was dumping rotting whale blubber in Grayson’s sixty-jet outdoor jacuzzi. The more I got to know her, and the more I heard her story, the more I hated Grayson.

Grayson, that son of a slimy sea cucumber, was dating Miri—the mermaid—and had been for six years. Six years! And about last year, his stocks in Spirit Airlines crashed and he became bankrupt, and he decided he needed to marry rich—and fast. So he broke up with Miri and tracked me down. (Kind of creepy of him, in my opinion.)

Miri then explained that she’s been harassing him since, because no man led her on and got away with it. After hearing that Grayson was broke a liar and a cheat, I decided to team up with Miri to sabotage our wedding day—which was the next Sunday, so I was fortunate enough not to need to spend too much time with my broke unprincipled fiance.

The day finally came, after much preparation, and a priest was hired to join our hands in holy matrimony on a yacht smaller than Grayson’s pool. (He claimed it was for ‘intimacy’, but I suspect his bigger yachts were foreclosed.)

That’s when it happened.

Miri and her five mermaid sisters created a wave so big that it swept Grayson off the boat and out to sea—and this time, he had no fish-tailed lover to save him…

Lucky for me, the priest already married us, and Grayson was disowned by his family—who invested in American Airlines—so I got to keep his life insurance. What a life I lead…