Welcome Back, Larkspur
I owe you all an apology, and a long, long blog post to make up for these months of uncertainty and willy-nilly-ness. First off, I’d like to say that NaNoWriMo went nowhere for me. That day of blazing inspiration left me just as suddenly as it came, and so my progress for November was exactly… 3,022 words.
*sighs*
The truth is, I’ve been in a great big creative slump. I’ve sat down a few times, pencil in hand or computer at the ready, and just stared. And stared, and stared, and stared, until I close my browser or shut my notebook and decide I’ve had enough “writing” for the day. Sometimes I feel like my cursor is laughing at me. A small, electronic metronome, adding rhythm to the deafening quiet of my manuscript.
Tick, tock. Tick, tock.
I sure talk a lot about my book. I’m always trying to draw in readers—family, friends—anyone whom I think might enjoy the world I’ve created. They always ask the same question: “When will your book be done?” to which I stare forlornly across the room and warn them that I’d like that question answered, myself.
It’s the writing part I’m struggling with. In theory, I know exactly what happens. I wrote a plot diagram upwards of a thousand words, detailing each chapter with care. But for some forsaken reason, my brain won’t push forward. Have I reached my creative climax?
I shouldn’t think that way. I’ve been told all my life that creativity never “runs out”. That just isn’t the way it works. The more you use, the more you have.
There’s my issue, then—I haven’t used it enough recently. Right? I haven’t been writing blog posts, or progressing in my storyline, or even toying with a sidestory like I used to. Maybe I just need to write. Show my inhibitions to the door, thank them for their stay, and keep them out of my mind, where they belong. It doesn’t matter if I write garbage. I just need to get back into the groove.
Somebody told me recently that writing is her happy place. That she’s so glad she can write, because to escape into a world she knows, a world she’s created, that means everything to her. And that someone, well, she just so happens to be a published author. Cool, huh? And that sort of helped remind me about how I used to feel when I was writing.
Happy.
In control.
Free.
Even a little intelligent at times. And—and I used to do something really, really smart.
I never stopped writing.
Never missed a post.
I always had a fun side project to go alongside my WIP, that way if I was going through a rough patch with my manuscript, I could step away without getting rusty.
I won’t say I’ve lost my touch. I’m still a good writer! In—in theory, of course. What I discovered last night—er, this morning—is that I am my biggest obstacle. I get too caught up in my mind, and I trick myself into thinking that not writing anything, at all, will make me come back stronger.
(Oh, and get this: while I was writing this post last evening, just as I was getting back in the groove I decided that that was the perfect time to experiment with a different blogging platform. It’s weird. I don’t—I don’t understand it.)
This January I made a couple goals for my book:
Complete my second draft for The Secret of Moonflower Valley
Edit it
Have a Beta Reader read it through
Edit again
Celebrate the completion of my second draft!
So, none of this was accomplished. But you know what? I’m cool with that. After all, a lot has happened these past six months. I moved to another state, started public school, got a taste of that “delightful” bullying—seems to be all the rage in America—transferred schools because of said bullying, and had a few emotional breakdowns ‘cause hey, I’ve gotta keep the readers interested somehow, right? (Assuming my life were a book, of course.)
But now I’ve got some brand new goals. After all, if I set some every year, it’s gotta happen eventually right?
Goals For 2025
Pick a day for blogging and stick with it
Post every week
Write short stories again
Get in the habit of writing in my novel at least 1500 words every week
Go outside more
Start writing in notebooks again
Detox from electronics (You can do it, Larkspur)
Finish each SMV character’s profile
I have a new strategy for this year’s set of goals. Reminders! A vision board, alarms on my phone—cause now I have a phone, by the way—and a poster in my room to remind me that I even set these goals.
If all goes well, next year I’ll be celebrating my determination and discipline and maybe even have a finished draft… (Fingers crossed!)
I’m excited, you guys! It feels like I’m finally getting my life back. I missed this. Blogging, writing, talking to you people. This is going to be the year of a lot of amazing things.
Mark my words!
